My Full Beauty Routine
Thursday is my reset day. So that is where this journey will begin. Everybody’s schedule is different, but for me, I leave the house on the weekends (if at all) so I start my routine on Thursdays. I’m going to tell you very basic things. But I want to be thorough. I don’t know your life. You might NEED this information. I could be forgetting things. I don’t know. I’m just doing my best here, okay?!
Daily products
THESE RESURFACING PADS (1-2x a week)
Pineapple juice (vagina)
Asagawanda (stress)
Matcha and/or Lion’s Maine Coffee
Anti-Bacterial Soap (this shit is AMAZING) but it drys your skin. Only suggest using on acne prone skin and limit use to the affected areas.
Face wipes. Even when I don’t wear makeup. I am very lazy. I don’t always wash my face like I should but no matter WHAT I cleanse my face. This helps laziness. In the morning, I’ll wipe down with this. Sometimes use it mid day. Always before bed. THIS IS THE BEST THING FOR ACNE!!!! I AM NOT KIDDING, THIS IS NOT A DRILL! USE THESE MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY TO REDUCE ACNE AND THAT INCLUDES HORMONAL ACNE.
Pimple patches. Always.
THIS PIMPLE ZAPPER CHANGED MY LIFE. Not kidding. IT WORKS. It even works on ingrown hairs. I love it. I swear by it. I start it on the lowest frequency and once it’s on my skin I turn it all the way up. I hate pain.
THESE PRO BIOTICS. They come refrigerated and are usually only sold at Whole Foods, Sproutz, etc.
Extracurricular Beauty
Botox every three months.
Chemical peels
Laser treatments
Micro needling
I haven’t done any of the face treatments in over a year bc I was broke and depressed but now that I am doing better financially and mentally I am going to get back into it. When I did the micro needling I saw HUGE changes in my acne. Better skin, was complimented all the time on it. Highly recommend.
Lip flip! I have done lip filler in the past but by now it’s gone. I was blessed with decent sized lips, but my top lip is not consistent with the bottom. The lip flip doesn’t last long but it helps with gummy smiles and gives you that extra UMPF! People will say to me all the time, omg did you get your lips done! No. My lips FLUCTUATE!!!! It’s very weird. One day I’ll wake up with huge lips and the next not at all. Idk what filler would work one week on and off 😂 When I am swollen/bloated, it goes to my lips. When I have allergic reactions, it goes to my lips. Sometimes my lips randomly look huge for two days. It makes no sense. If somebody could explain this to me that would be great.
Teeth whitening strips. But TBH if you really want white teeth you just gotta go to the dentist and get it done professionally lol.
Thursday
Deep wash my hair. Deep conditioner. I have extensions so I only use products that are safe for my hair. I cycle between two products. Every 3 weeks I use the purple shampoo, conditioner, and toner. Purple shampoo drys your hair (learned this the hard way) so I try to use it only once a month. I first brush my hair out (this detangler brush is great) completely, then add additional products. This is my regular SHAMPOO and CONDITIONER - great for all hair types especially hair with extensions.
Once my hair is washed in the shower, I soak in a hot bath and scrub my body like no one else’s business. I am a HUGE fan of korean spas. Sadly, Florida doesn’t have any. If you live near one, I would suggest going to one and getting a full body scrub every month because they really put their full pussy into it. But, this is what they use. It’s basically sandpaper. You want to soak for at least 15 minutes first. Then, go to town. Scrub-a-dub-dub!!! Get in your butt crack. GET IT ALL. No stone unturned!!!!!!! Use a lathering soap. Rinse.
Shave. Obviously. Shave it ALL!
Anti-bacterial soap on my vajayjay and acne prone areas.
Exfoliate feet, get rid of dead skin.
Once out of the shower, I spray my hair down with a leave in conditioner or a detangling spray — or both! Then, throw it back in a clip (for now).
Pat dry. I’m on my hairless journey, I’ve been using this laser. If you’re not ready for this, instead of shaving… WAX. This is what I did previously. It’s the scariest thing in the world to wax your vagina. Not for the weak.
Ice roller on my ENTIRE body for a lymphatic drainage, massage or whatever the heck people call it.
Blow dry my hair. The first day of my hair wash cycle I wear my hair straight or with a slight wave. I dry my hair completely. I usually wait an hour or so before I start to dry my hair. I never do it soaking wet.
THIS IS MY FAVORITE HAIR “HACK”! Flip your head down, pull your hair together at the top and TWIST, then twist it into a bun and use THESE hair ties to secure it. Do NOT use an elastic. It will create weird dents. When you let your hair down the next day, you will have a soft beautiful wave. I love it.
Dermaplane. I probably spelt that wrong, whatever. Shave that face. Using alcohol to sanitize the blade and continue to sanitize between areas. Use the anti bacterial soap again to avoid breakouts.
SPRAY TAN!!!! Ok so I use TWO TYPES, I switch every other week between this and this. I use a glove for my whole body and this brush for my back and contouring my face. I am acne prone so I am very specific on where I put it on my face. I outline my jaw, my massive forehead, under my cheekbones, and sides of my nose. Then, sometimes I’ll use my dyson on cold and just blow dry my body to speed up the drying process. If you’re apart of the big titty committee this is especially useful to do under the boobs.
Sleep on a towel with spray tan on.
Friday
(morning) Shower. Don’t use any harsh soaps. I just get the important parts. This soap is fabulous.
LOTION! Lather Lather Lather. This lotion, too. Especially if I have a date OR going to be in a bikini.
Let’s assume I actually am doing something that night…
This is my makeup routine:
This is the absolute best primer. Nothing compares. I learned this from makeup artists on set. It’s the best. If you follow ANY of my makeup advice, let it be this.
I cycle between different foundations. Daytime foundation, and a nighttime one. I really love the daytime one so sometimes I’ll use it at night idk. I love them both. I first put it on my wrist, then take a beauty blender and spread it across my whole face. The eyes, corners, everywhere.
Eyebrows. I use the color ash. Before I do my eyebrows, i’ll highlight under my brow. If you do your eyebrows before that, sometimes you will get it over the pencil. So you want to highlight the brows first. If i’m going for a more natural look, i’ll highlight around the brows using natural skin tones from this pallet. If it’s more of a glitz and glam night, I do with a light shimmer under the brow.
Next, eyes. THIS IS MY FAVORITE EYE SHADOW PALLET. I use it every time. My eyes are a little too close to my nose, so I go heavy on the off white on the inside corners of my eyes to give the illusion that maybe I’m not inbred.
I love a smokey eye so I go brown on the outside of my eyes. For eyeliner, cat eye, always. I cycle between black or brown. Brown for a more casual night, black for when I want to ruin someone’s life. White shadow in the tear-ducks and inline of your lower eye. I will take a small brush and use dark brown shadow halfway through under my eye to make the cat eye blend better. I’m probably butchering how i’m describing this. I need to make a video.
Flasies for when I’m feeling extra spicy. ALWAYS black glue. I do not apply mascara until THE END. That’s the final step.
Contour. This is my HOLY GRAIL. I LOVE THIS PALETT. I also use this bronzer. Everybody’s facial structure is different so find out which contouring works best for your face and do that.
Highlighter. I use that pallet or this highlighter depending on my mood.
Ok… where I learned this is so random BUT there’s a filter on tiktok that adds blush to your face and I never thought to use blush like this but I looked the cutest I ever looked with it in this filter so now I do this ALL the time. I smile big, then dot the center of my cheeks with this red lipstick/gloss (whatever it is) and it works so good. I ALSO do a TINY dab under my nose (learned from said filter) then I blend like nobody’s business. Idk how else to describe it other than I think it looks adorable. I absolutely love this.
Then, I spray my face with some spray idk they say it makes your makeup last all night. Does it? Maybe. Idk! I think it down.
Once I spray, I bake. Meaning… I take a packed powder and go under the eyes and in my greasy spots ONLY. I do not powder my entire face.
Last, eyelashes. The baking prevents it from bleeding under your eyes.
Ok just kidding that wasn’t last… LASTLY… lips. Lips lips lips! Clean your lips from any makeup. I always outline my lips. On top, JUST the cupids bow. On bottom, i go heavy in the center. I like to use this and this. Then, gloss or lipstick… whatever floats your boat.
END OF THE NIGHT!!!!!! WASH YOUR FREAKING FACE MY GUY! This is so serious. The makeup wipes are amazing if you’re drunk and irresponsible. If you somehow managed to make it home sober, double cleanse your face. Do the wipes, anti bacterial soap, oil pulling, and dry your face WITH THESE.
Brush your damn hair and throw it in the bun with the special scrunchie as I explained earlier.
Saturday
Btw… you should always do your hair before your makeup. In my humble opinion…
This is when I will curl my hair. I use the dyson air wrap. These are the BEST dry shampoos. This and This.
Spray your hair with a heat protector. If you have thin hair and no extensions, use this.
Section off your hair in small pieces. Spray your hair with this hairspray. Use high heat. Do one piece at a time. I do one side at a time and start at the bottom of my head.
Once I’ve applied heat, I secure each piece in hair rollers. I keep my hair in the rollers until the last minute. I use the smaller rollers on the bottom of my head and gradually work into the the bigger rollers as I get to the top. Secure the rollers with these.
Before I take my hair down, I’ll give it a good once over with hair spray. Take out the rollers, flip my hair. This is a good brush if so you desire to brush it out.
Sunday - Wednesday
Whatever. I incubate. Normal things.
