My Mom’s Penne alla Vodka
Penne alla Vodka and the 3rd Week of Dating: A Love Story in Layers
When I tell you my mom’s penne alla vodka is the pinnacle of perfection, I mean it. Every bite feels like a warm hug wrapped in crispy prosciutto. It almost feels like falling in love: intoxicating, full of promise, and maybe a little heavy on the vodka.
Which brings me to the third week of dating me. If week one is the fragrant sauté of garlic and onion—exciting, full of sizzle—and week two is the smooth, dreamy addition of cream, week three is when you pour in the vodka. At first it’s intoxicating and full of potential. Then, you wake up the next regretting your life choices.
Week Three: He’s Perfect, Then He’s Not
At first, I was sure this man was the one. He made me laugh, he made me cry (in a good way), he even offered to accompany me to my mother’s GRAVE. Like freshly sautéed onions and garlic, he was a perfect start. But then he made me sit through 20 minutes of painfully bad YouTube videos. I forced a smile, thinking, Maybe it’s just an off night? Then I stumbled onto his Instagram Stories and saw 50—yes, FIFTY—reshares of crude memes. I gasped… audibly, like when you accidentally burn your garlic and your kitchen smells like regret.
I got the ick. Who is this man? Why does he like me so much? Is it because no other woman will tolerate his meme addiction? So I told him he was embarrassing. He got offended. I don’t see how? Now, he’s not speaking to me, and apparently, I’m blocked. Naturally, I spiral. Is this what rock bottom feels like? Maybe I overreacted. Maybe the memes were ironic?
Cut to Me, Reevaluating Everything
Just like overthinking the sauce, I started to second-guess myself. Was the problem me? Was I too heavy-handed with the seasoning of criticism? I told myself it was over… but now that he hates me… I think I love him again? Great.
Let’s Bring It Back to the Recipe
Much like dating, making penne alla vodka is a balancing act. You need just enough spice (crushed red pepper) and indulgence (cream and prosciutto) to create something irresistible. Too much vodka, and it’s chaos. Too little, and it’s boring.
Here’s the key: when your sauce separates—or your relationship does—you have two options. You can stir it all back together, or you can decide it wasn’t meant to be. Either way, you’ll have pasta. And pasta never blocks your number.
Total Time under 30 minutes
My Mom’s Penne alla Vodka
My mom’s authentic Italian penne alla vodka recipe is a restaurant-quality dish with a silky tomato cream sauce. It takes less than 30 minutes to make. A dish so good everyone will be begging for more!
INGREDIENTS:
Prep Time 15 minutes | Cook Time 15 minutes
1 package (usually 3oz) prosciutto
1 large yellow onion, finely chopped
3 cloves garlic, chopped fine
2 shot's vodka
1 cup heavy cream
Left over gravy or see this recipe or try this jarred sauce (which is a sin in family)
Grated cheese
Salt & pepper
Fresh parsley
INSTRUCTIONS
Saute onion, garlic, crushed red pepper in olive oil until soft (onions translucent).
Add 1 shot vodka, add more crushed red pepper, salt & pepper and chopped fresh parsley. Add heavy cream and another shot of vodka. Add left over gravy, slowly stirring and adding until pink.
Cook pasta as directed on box.
When pasta is cooked to your preference, mix in with sauce.
Slice prosciutto into small pieces. Add oil to the hot skillet then brown the prosciutto pieces on both sides, about 2 minutes per side so it’s crispy. Transfer prosciutto to the pasta and sauce a plate and top with grated cheese and fresh parsley.
Enjoy!
