Hot Chocolate Tres Leches or poke cake recipe
Hot Chocolate Tres Leches: A Decadent Dessert for One (BECAUSE NOBDY ELSE IS COMING)
The holidays are here, and while couples are off staging photo shoots at Christmas tree farms, I’m in my kitchen making a sponge cake that only I will eat. And honestly? That feels kinda powerful. Who else is going to appreciate every bite of this soft, chocolate-soaked beauty the way I will? Nobody. And that’s fine. It’s peaceful, even.
Because when you’re alone, you get to have it all. No one asking, “Are you going to eat all that?” Yes, Chad, I am going to eat all that. I’m going to eat it while standing at the kitchen counter, no plate, no shame, just me, a fork, and the low hum of my final egg dropping from my ovaries. And maybe a little shame
But let me not get carried away. After all, baking is an act of love — even if that love is just for yourself and the weight of your loneliness. And if we’re being honest, sometimes you are the only person who truly deserves it. So grab your whisk, channel the ghosts of all your exes, and let’s make something so good, even your loneliness will feel seen.
Hot Chocolate Tres Leches Recipe
Let’s start with… The Ingredients
Sponge Cake
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter melted, for greasing the cake pan
• 1 1/3 cups cake flour
• 1/4 cup Dutch processed cocoa powder (for that deep emotional resonance)
• 8 large eggs (separated, just like me and my dreams)
• 1 cup sugar (sweet, like the lies we told ourselves)
• 1 tsp salt (because life needs a little edge)
• 1 tsp vanilla extract (because you real that is how your love life will be for all eternity)
• 1/4 cup warm water (because something has to feel warm around here)
Tres Leches Mix
• 1/2 cup chocolate malt milk powder (the flavor of childhood, ruined by adulthood)
• 2 cups chocolate milk
• 1/2 can condensed milk (the thick, sweet love you deserve)
• 1 12oz can evaporated milk (because your hopes and dreams have already disappeared)
• 1 cup half and half (because life is about compromise…. apparently)
• 1 tbsp vanilla extract
• 1/8 tsp salt
Frosting
• 1/2 cup butter (always here for you, unlike people)
• 7 oz Marshmallow Fluff (because sometimes you just want something soft)
• 1 cup powdered sugar (because bittersweet is the flavor profile of this recipe)
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
The Instructions (Or, How To Distract Yourself From the Void)
Step 1: Make the Sponge Cake (The Foundation of All Your Regrets)
1. Grease the bottom of your pan with butter — only the bottom. We do not cling to the sides. We do not beg for attachment.
2. Preheat the oven to 400°F because, unlike your love life, this kitchen will stay hot.
3. Separate your egg yolks from your egg whites.
4. Microwave the sugar for 30 seconds. Why? I don’t know. Just do it.
5. Whip the egg whites on medium speed. When they get foamy, slowly add sugar (but save 1/2 cup for the yolks, because balance is key, even when it feels like life has none). Whip on medium-high for 8-9 minutes. Just stand there, alone, reflecting on your poor life choices while staring at your reflection in the shiny bowl.
6. Whip the egg yolks with the reserved 1/2 cup sugar, salt, and vanilla extract until it fluffs up.
7. Add warm water (not hot, not cold, just warm).
8. SLOWLY add the dry ingredients. Don’t rush this. If you rush it, it collapses, just like my last relationship.
9. Pour the batter into your greased pan, but don’t get attached. NEVER GET ATTACHED.
10. Bake for 15-18 minutes. When it’s done, press the center lightly. If it springs back, congrats! If not, you’ve learned a valuable lesson about patience.
Step 2: Tres Leches (Soak the Cake in Milks, As You Soak in The Feeling of Emptiness)
1. Make a paste by mixing 1/4 cup chocolate milk with the malt milk powder. It’ll look questionable, but so does everything.
2. Stir in the remaining chocolate milk, condensed milk, evaporated milk, and half and half. This is alotta of flavor. Prepare yourself emotionally.
3. Pour this liquid slowly over your cake. Slowly, because we are learning from our mistakes.
4. Wait one minute between pours to let it soak. Yes, it takes patience. Yes, it’s symbolic again.
5. Cover the cake with foil and place it in the fridge. For four hours. Or overnight. The cake gets time to rest. Unlike you.
Step 3: The Frosting (The Facade We Show Family As We Put On A Brave Face at Christmas)
1. Beat the butter and powdered sugar until fluffy, which is a vibe we all aspire to but few achieve.
2. Mix in marshmallow fluff and vanilla extract. This is the softness we have always craved.
3. Spread it over the cake. Make it smooth. Make it pretty. Hide the pain beneath.
4. Dust with cocoa powder. Top with marshmallows. Or don’t. Only God can judge you.
The Taste of Solitude
So there it is. Your Hot Chocolate Tres Leches / Poke Cake, a masterpiece that will never betray you. It’s soft, it’s sweet, it’s rich, and it asks for nothing in return. Unlike people.
As you sit there with a fork and a 9x13 pan in front of you, remember: being alone is not the same as being lonely. Being alone means you get to eat the whole cake. Being alone means you don’t have to cut perfect slices for anyone. You can eat it in chunks. You can spoon it straight out of the pan. Being alone means you can lick frosting off the spatula with no one to judge you but the kitchen sink.
And when you’re done? You’ll have a quiet, peaceful kitchen and the knowledge that, for once, you made something beautiful just for you. You will also have a lot of dishes.
Because, listen — maybe love will come. Maybe it won’t.
Maybe your soulmate died tragically in a freak snow boarding accident. Nobody ever talks about that.
But you? You’ve got this tres leches. And that feels like love to me.
Enjoy.
— Alanna Noel
All products from video linked here
Total Time 4 hours 30 minutes
Hot Chocolate Tres Leches / Poke Cake
Hot Chocolate Tres Leches: A Decadent Dessert for One (BECAUSE NOBDY ELSE IS COMING)
Prep Time 15 minutes | Cook Time 15 minutes | Soak Time 4 hours | Total Time 4 hrs 30 min
INGREDIENTS:
SPONGE CAKE
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter melted, for greasing the cake pan
• 1 1/3 cups cake flour
• 1/4 cup Dutch processed cocoa powder
• 8 large eggs
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/4 cup warm water
Tres Leches Mix
• 1/2 cup chocolate malt milk powder
• 2 cups chocolate milk
• 1/2 can condensed milk
• 1 12oz can evaporated milk
• 1 cup half and half
• 1 tbsp vanilla extract
• 1/8 tsp salt
Frosting
• 1/2 cup butter
• 7 oz Marshmallow Fluff
• 1 cup powdered sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
EQUIPMENT
Flour Shifter
Electric Mixer
Baking dish or disposable if attending an event
INSTRUCTIONS
Step 1: Make the Sponge Cake (The Foundation of All Your Regrets)
1. Grease the bottom of your pan with butter — only the bottom. We do not cling to the sides. We do not beg for attachment.
2. Preheat the oven to 400°F because, unlike your love life, this kitchen will stay hot.
3. Separate your egg yolks from your egg whites.
4. Microwave the sugar for 30 seconds. Why? I don’t know. Just do it.
5. Whip the egg whites on medium speed. When they get foamy, slowly add sugar (but save 1/2 cup for the yolks, because balance is key, even when it feels like life has none). Whip on medium-high for 8-9 minutes. Just stand there, alone, reflecting on your poor life choices while staring at your reflection in the shiny bowl.
6. Whip the egg yolks with the reserved 1/2 cup sugar, salt, and vanilla extract until it fluffs up.
7. Add warm water (not hot, not cold, just warm).
8. SLOWLY add the dry ingredients. Don’t rush this. If you rush it, it collapses, just like my last relationship.
9. Pour the batter into your greased pan, but don’t get attached. NEVER GET ATTACHED.
10. Bake for 15-18 minutes. When it’s done, press the center lightly. If it springs back, congrats! If not, you’ve learned a valuable lesson about patience.
Step 2: Tres Leches (Soak the Cake in Milks, As You Soak in The Feeling of Emptiness)
1. Make a paste by mixing 1/4 cup chocolate milk with the malt milk powder. It’ll look questionable, but so does everything.
2. Stir in the remaining chocolate milk, condensed milk, evaporated milk, and half and half. This is alotta of flavor. Prepare yourself emotionally.
3. Pour this liquid slowly over your cake. Slowly, because we are learning from our mistakes.
4. Wait one minute between pours to let it soak. Yes, it takes patience. Yes, it’s symbolic again.
5. Cover the cake with foil and place it in the fridge. For four hours. Or overnight. The cake gets time to rest. Unlike you.
Step 3: The Frosting (The Facade We Show Family As We Put On A Brave Face at Christmas)
1. Beat the butter and powdered sugar until fluffy, which is a vibe we all aspire to but few achieve.
2. Mix in marshmallow fluff and vanilla extract. This is the softness we have always craved.
3. Spread it over the cake. Make it smooth. Make it pretty. Hide the pain beneath.
4. Dust with cocoa powder. Top with marshmallows. Or don’t. Only God can judge you.
